Already Gone
by august29
Summary: High school was almost over, and we are going to join the real world. We had a plan, but I can't bring myself to go through with it. We had a future to think about, I knew my fate, and it didn't have to be hers...
1. Already Gone

We were together for a little over a year and a half. High school was almost over, and we are going to join the real world. We had a plan, but I can't bring myself to go through with it. We had a future to think about, I knew my fate, and it didn't have to be hers too. I couldn't do that to her, I couldn't let her do that to herself.

"Puck, I need your help"

"Sure baby mama, what's up?"

I rolled my eyes at his remark. Seriously it's been two years can he please stop that? And since when does Puck actually take his books home for homework? Schools almost over anyway.

"It's been 2 years; can you please stop calling me that?"

I saw him smile. I knew why he did it. We share something no one in our lives can come close to. For someone so badass he is a real softy. He did it because there is no one else who can call me that. It's his way of showing he still cares about me even though his tries to play it off so he doesn't lose his "badass-ness."

"Nope, so what can I help you with?"

He closes his locker and looks at me. He knew about me and Rachel. Everyone did, we didn't exactly kept it a secret since we discovered this was more than a high school crush that wouldn't go away. He knew how much I care about her. He knew how much I love her.

After everything with Beth, he was the only one I could talk to about anything. We grew close, he became like my brother. I knew if there was anyone that would help me with this it would be him.

"I need you to help me break up with Rachel."

I say with as much confidence I can muster saying those words. They weren't my first choice but it had to be that way. I could see the shock on his face. I'm sure he didn't understand why I was doing it. I'm positive he was going to try and talk me out of it.

"….are you sure?"

I looked at him with uncertainty written all over my face. There was no other way. It had to be done. She wouldn't go if she was with me. I saw the excitement on her face when she got the acceptance to Julliard. Of course she quickly covered it up and simply threw the letter away like her whole life wasn't waiting for that moment when she got accepted.

She smiled at me like nothing happened. She didn't tell me it was the letter she's been waiting on for 17 years, she smiled and asked where we were going for our date that night. I went back later and got the letter, that's when I realized what she was giving up. She didn't tell me for a reason, she knew when she applied that even if she got accepted she wasn't leaving Lima, Ohio the small town that housed the love of her life. I wasn't going anywhere and neither was she.

With a deep breath I said the only thing I thought I could do to keep her from ruining her life.

"Yes"

"Quinn, are you ok? You have been acting weird lately."

She looked at me with a slightly worried face. We were sitting in the back row of glee. Something she wasn't too keen on but she did for me because she knew I didn't like the front. She was always sacrificing for me.

We were almost done for the day which was the only reason she was talking to me. She usually never spoke to me while we were rehearsing, it's like a rule, and I'm wasnt allowed to talk to her either. I did however shoot her the "I wanna fuck you" looks every now and then to fluster her. They usually worked. I looked back at her taking in her face, her lips, her cheeks, her eyes…so full of love and concern. She didn't know what I was about to do. She didn't know that in just a few moments her eyes so full of love and care are about to be filled with tears and hurt. I smile.

"Fine."

She looked at me funny for a second then faces back towards Mr. Shue. I reached into my bag to pull out the letter that was haunting me for months. I took a deep breath as I prepared to do the hardest thing in my life, well second only to giving up my daughter. I'm giving up the love of my life.

"Rach…"

She looked at me quizzically. I just move in and give her a kiss filled with as much passion as I could put into it hoping she felt it. Hoping that she understood that this kiss is different because I was telling her more than I've ever tried to tell her. I pull back to see her stunned face.

"I love you, more than you will ever know. Please remember that."

I raised my hand and ask to perform a song before the end of practice. Mr. Shue just smiled and pointed to the center of the room not knowing that he just played a part in the ending of a great love.

"Right now Quinn, a little heads up would have been nice."

That was Puck. He didn't know when I was going to do it. He knew what I was going to do. He had to play along. Everyone just looked at us with confused looks on their faces. The most confused was Rachel. She'll understand in a little while. I handed her the letter, she looked at it still not understanding. I pick up my bag and head to the middle of the floor. I looked at the band to see if they are ready. They all nod back and start playing.

As the intro stars I think back on our life together. Everything leading up to this point.

_Remember all the things we wanted  
Now all our memories, they're haunted  
We were always meant to say goodbye_

We had planned a life together. Where we were going to live, what we were going to do. Our wedding. Our future kids names. Everything. That was before she was giving up her dream for me. Now all I can think about is her missed chance if she doesn't go.

_Even with our fists held high  
It never would've worked out right  
We were never meant for do or die_

That's a lie. We were meant for do or die. We were meant for more than that. But I can't let her know that I still believe that. __

I didn't want us to burn out  
I didn't come here to hurt you  
Now I can't stop

I was been looking everywhere but her. I tried not to look at her. If I do I knew I would break. I knew I wouldn't be able to finish what I knew I should.__

I want you to know that it doesn't matter  
Where we take this road  
Someone's gotta go

I hoped by then she has realized that I've given her her acceptance letter. I hoped she has realized what I mean when I say that last line because I didn't think I would be able to clarify it for her.

_And I want you to know  
You couldn't have loved me better  
But I want you to move on  
So I'm already gone  
_

It wasn't true again. I hadn't moved on. I wasn't already gone but it was the only way she would go. The only way she would become what I knew she could become.

_Looking at you makes it harder  
But I know that you'll find another  
That doesn't always make you want to cry_

I finally looked at her, I saw the tears and my own finally fell.

_Started with a perfect kiss  
Then we could feel the poison set in  
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive_

We were perfect. It could have kept us together but I couldn't live with myself if she missed her chance.

_You know that I love you so  
I love you enough to let you go  
_

I didn't take my eyes off her after that. I couldn't.

_I want you to know that it doesn't matter  
Where we take this road  
Someone's gotta go  
And I want you to know  
You couldn't have loved me better  
But I want you to move on  
So I'm already gone_

By now everyone has put it together. They realized that this was a goodbye song. That this was a final ending song. That both our hearts were breaking. No one knew that it was only going to get worse before it got even remotely close to getting better.__

I'm already gone, already gone  
You can't make it feel right  
When you know that it's wrong

It was never wrong…

_I'm already gone, already gone  
There's no moving on  
So I'm already gone_

Remember all the things we wanted  
Now all our memories, they're haunted  
We were always meant to say goodbye

I want you to know that it doesn't matter  
Where we take this road  
Someone's gotta go  
And I want you to know  
You couldn't have loved me better  
But I want you to move on  
So I'm already gone

I'm already gone, already gone  
You can't make it feel right  
When you know that it's wrong  
I'm already gone, already gone  
There's no moving on  
So I'm already gone

I see movement from the corner of my eye and know what's coming. Puck didn't like this part of the plan. I didn't like this part of the plan. But in order for her to get over me, she had to hate me. This for sure would make her hate me.

I look back at her both of our tear soaked faces speaking volumes but no one saying a word. The club is silent as they follow Puck with their eyes. I saw them looking at everyone to see if they know anything. They all share the same look of confusion. No one expected what came next.

I saw him getting closer with a look of regret on his face. My mind was screaming at me to not go through with it, to not hurt her that bad. I should have listened, but I didn't. He knows he's going to be hated as well but he was risking it all because of how much he cared for me. It was a lot to do.

He stood in front of me and whispered so softly that no one but me heard his apology. He leaned in and kisses me. I let him, I kissed back. I heard the gasps. I heard the questions, but the one thing I heard the loudest is the cry of pain from the girl...no woman I love.

And I knew it was done. I pull away grabbed my bag and with Pucks arm around my shoulder we walk out of the class. I tortured myself one last time and looked back at her. I barely register the look of shock on Kurt's face as he tries to console her, or the look of hatred coming off Santana because once again Puck chose me.

All I saw was Rachel's face, full of hurt, pain and tears staring at my retreating form as she stood shocked and still as Kurt's arm went to her shoulders and pulled her in for a hug. Then I heard it again the painful sobs that she lets out. That image of her broken form, the sound of what she was feeling, that image has haunted me for the following years. I lost touch with everyone except Puck after that. I haven't seen the love of my life in over 5 years…until today….

AN: This came to me at work this morning and I could not for the life of me get it out of my head. Song's already gone by Kelly Clarkson. If you haven't heard it you should. I did my research before I wrote this, not that it would have changed anything but still. A lot of thought went into this. .net/songs/view/3530822107858763388/2/ASC/#comment

That link has a lot of different interpretations of the song. This was mine. I was thinking about a sequel but I'm not gonna lie this was a random moment of inspiration. If I do do a sequel it'll be in the far future from now. And if any of you have read my other Glee FF just know that I have the dialogue for the last chapter written it's just everything else that's blocked. Ill post that one as soon as I figure out how I'm going to finish it. As always reviews are wanted. Let me know if my moment of random inspiration was any good. Please and gracias!


	2. Ghost

**A/N:** If you've read this story before you will find that this isn't the normal 2nd chapter. I stated in my last one that I was thinking of re-writing this and I guess here's my first attempt. Let me know what you guys think, I still have the other version and if you guys want that one back up, I can put it back up. I would suggest listening to "Ghost" by Parachute before reading this as it was my inspiration of sorts. It's also in this chapter. Glee and the song do not belong to me, but other than that hope you enjoy!

They were all at the bar like any other Saturday night. Brittany on Santana's lap being the annoyingly cute couple they had always been only now it was as official as the rocks on their fingers. Puck on the other side of the table watching the people enjoy their night. While Quinn sipped on her drink to pass the time.

"Hey Q! What are you gonna do this week when you have to see her?"

Santana pulled her out of her thoughts with a question she's been asking herself since she got the call from their old Glee director. She put her drink down and looked around to buy some time before she had to answer. She finally locked eyes with Santana as she waited expectantly.

She knew what happened back then and after many, many months of trying to explain she finally listened to both Quinn and Puck when they explained the situation. They weren't forgiven easily but eventually she accepted it and even went along with it for a short amount of time before the lie undid itself when everyone but the victim found out. Needless to say she and Puck were not the favorite people of many members of their old high school escape, but they dealt with the after math and now 5 years later they still didn't mention it. Well except for Santana because she was after all one of Quinn's best friends.

"What do you mean?"

Denial was always something Quinn tried to be good at but never really could master the art.

"Don't play dumb blonde, we all know you've been stressing about it. It's been what 5 years?"

Quinn sighed, slammed her head on the table and closed her eyes for a few seconds to form some sort of response. She finally picked her head back up and rested it on the palm of her hand as it propped up her head.

"Yeah, 5 years almost to the day. I've kind of been trying not to think about having to see her. I fucked up bad back then and I haven't seen her since. Well unless you count seeing her on TV and those trips to New York when I would go watch her on stage. Even then I never let her see me."

"Yeah, and I would consider that another fuck up. You had so many chances to talk to her but you wussed out and just left."

"Shut up Puck. You were with me, you let me leave."

She gave him a glare that in the past would have made him shrink back and be quiet, but after living together for the past 2 years he knows when she's really trying to yell at him. She was just angry at herself for never going through with the plan that she tried so many times.

"Hey baby mama, you know I just want what's best for you. You're the one that told me you weren't ready for it. I wasn't going to push you into something you weren't ready for."

He was such a softy. That never changed.

"Anyway, back to the original question Q, what are you going to do when you see her? I doubt you'll be able to run away. It's a small town, you will see her on more than one occasion and she will see you too. Just sayin..."

She shifted a bit and rested her head on Brittany's shoulder as Brit snuggled closer to her wife.

"Yeah Quinn, San has a point. You can't avoid her forever. You'll have to see her eventually. She is supposed to be getting here tomorrow morning. So you're times running out."

Quinn's eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she tried to think of what to say, which was becoming a bit harder as the alcohol was hitting her system. She could swear she heard the voice of the one girl who ever held her heart. She looked around as if trying to find the source of the voice but seeing no one that resembled the girl who haunted her memories.

"Quinn are you okay? You're lookin like you've seen a ghost. Who are you looking for?"

Brittany looked at her with a look of concern as the other 2 just stared with amused looks on their faces.

"Guy, shut up for a second…"

She looked around again noticing a small brunette in a corner with her friends singing along to the song that was currently playing over the sound system.

_Look behind you  
Avoid the shadows  
Watch your back now  
Make your breathing shallow  
Keep your room locked  
And leave the blinds closed  
I'm right there staring at your window  
And all I need is you, all I need is you  
_

She was dancing slightly turning and spinning to the beat with her head moving side to side as she sang and had a good time with the group that was surrounding her. She looked important by the looks of how many people were staring at her in awe and amazement. She however was smiling like she had no care in the world. Her brown locks hitting a nerve with Quinn as she looked so familiar she just couldn't put it together in her alcohol hazed mind.__

I'm in the background on the radio  
I'm in your car, in your house, waiting at your door  
Under your footsteps, I'm everything you know  
Just let me haunt, Let me haunt, Let me be your ghost  
Let me haunt, Let me haunt, Let me be your ghost

You had your chance love  
You tried to stay strong  
You tried to let go  
Tell yourself you moved on  
But then it comes back  
That feeling in your bones  
Like I 'm right there  
And all I need is you, and all I need is you  


This time she turned around and her hair flipped at the perfectly and they locked eyes. The song continued but the singing and dancing came to an abrupt stop. They stared at each other for about a minute before either of them made any move.

"Rach…"

Puck, Santana, and Brittany all turned their heads so fast she feared they got whiplash as they looked in the direction she was looking. Rachel's group of friends doing the same as the familiar name to them was uttered as well. No one moved, no one dared break the silent conversation going on between the two. So many things were being said, but nothing at the same time. Quinn stood with every intention of confronting her and trying to see if her fatal fuck up so many years ago had brought the happiness the Rachel had always dreamed about.

Seeing the movement but not yet wanting to have the conversation Rachel did the only thing she could think of. She picked up her things, told her friends goodnight and goodbye and headed to the door. Her friends just nodded and went back to what they were doing only now they were quieter and seemingly more melancholy. There was no doubt that their night wouldn't last very much longer.

Quinn took that as a sign that she was defeated for the night as she sat back down in her chair as the others looked at her trying to gauge her reaction. She slowly moved her hand towards her drink and picked it up as a million things ran through everyone's mind. _  
_

… _Just let me be your ghost…_


End file.
